I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
