Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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