i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
bring money and cleavage
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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