That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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