Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
