So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
