Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
