just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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