Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize