even my farts smell like vagina
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
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