with your own penis?
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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