AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
