I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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