Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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