Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
