Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
