woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I showed him my bush... on skype.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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