I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
