I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
