Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
