drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
