he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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