I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
