I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
