Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
