Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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