Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
