Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Every concussion has its silver lining
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
