Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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