one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
