I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
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