Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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