I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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