we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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