I never want to see another naked old woman again.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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