sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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