I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
