Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
