Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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