do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
