I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize