I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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