Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
