whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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