Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
