is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize