Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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