Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
