The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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