my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
she smelled like a LAN party
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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