What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
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