also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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