You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
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