She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
