you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Randomize
