Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
