I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
