im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
