I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
