Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
