Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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