just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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