just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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