this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
