dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
