Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
