OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
