We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
