Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
