sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize