I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
