I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
