there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize