paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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