The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize