speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I just gift wrapped bread.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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