If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
