I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
