pop tarts are not kleenex
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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