and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
