My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
