She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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