Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I smell like Dick and happiness
I have peed in a lot of sinks
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
