another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Everyone says I win the strip club
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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