I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
