mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
