So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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