omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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