I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
