Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize