I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
