Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
