don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
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