Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
