so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize