I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
