he puts the penis in happiness.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize