I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
My ass is underappreciated
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Randomize
