Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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