Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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