mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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