Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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