what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
