I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
