I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
